Honestly, I could have paid a Zookeeper $40 to fist fight a Wolverine for five minutes and gotten more out of it then Dan Doh.  I’ve never been more disgusted with a purchase in years, and that’s including Eternal Sonata.  I can only assume that our government doesn’t know about this devil tome or generic Tom Cruise look-alikes sporting aviator glasses would have tackled me before I even reached the counter.  On the surface it seemed to be your typical shounen sports story of boy meets ball/club/sport equipment.  I’m a sucker for such stories so I figured this would be in the same league as Major or Real.  How shamefully wrong I was.  First off it’s an anime about some kid who has matrix level abilities in Baseball gets coerced into Golf with almost no effort.  After pulling off some ridiculous feat of returning a base run hit with a sweep of his bat he sets himself up for the event that would change his life, and ruin mine.  After destroying this older man’s banzai garden he is subsequently told by said old man he should play golf.  The kid’s response went something like “that’s the game with the stick, and the ball, and the hole, right?”  It was all a blur after that, I just hope I didn’t do something I can’t defend in court in the time it took me to come to my senses.  The opening credits is about a minute and a half’s worth of constantly repeating the same stills, character portraits, and the main character swinging a club with a look in his eye only a rapist could love.  It repeated itself so much that I was momentarily fooled into thinking it was Gundam Seed Destiny, which features the same Zaku exploding about eight times an episode.  Since a mech’s flaming wreckage never came out of the sky to land on thisparticular group of people I was left disappointed.  About every scene is broken and disjointed as if entire frames had been spirited away to consecrated ground where they might be somehow saved.  The animation doesn’t flow together at all, and no reason is ever given as to how the viewer is supposed to figure out what’s going on in each scene.  The voice acting is almost enjoyably bad, but I don’t have a high enough tolerance for liquor to make that transition.  The actual dialogue stretches the imagination as to how anyone had enough self hatred to put themselves through that Ed Wood level of direction I don’t want to know.  The actual “acting” was something I had honestly believed wasn’t possible for the anime community to posses.  I really can’t accurately describe how awful it was aside from comparing it to, say, a group of kids raised from birth on nothing but old Batman and power ranger re-runs while being punched in the throat daily.  I’m an optimist with this kind of stuff usually, a look for the silver lining kind of guy.  Nothing exists here but evil.

 

Advertisements